I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
