My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
