is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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