He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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