how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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