i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize