im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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