just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
