Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
