i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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