If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
