was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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