I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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