We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
