first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
