just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The uberlube is also flammable
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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