Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
