Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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