So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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