the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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