Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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