By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
