That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
