I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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