Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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