I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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