Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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