I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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