I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
