I haven't been this sober since birth.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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