Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
