Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
