marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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