Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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