I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
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I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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