Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
