I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
