Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
