Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
