he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
