If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
