weddingsv make me drug and hornr
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
