so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
