apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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