forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
