Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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