dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
