What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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