Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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