do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
