I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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