Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
