I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
