the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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