he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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