and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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