I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
