I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
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The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
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I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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