69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
