New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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