Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
