why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
