ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
