I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
