He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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