Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
