i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
