LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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