I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
