non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
